


Who we are and Who we pretend to be

by clubs14



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Years of Slow Burn (Good Omens), Children's Books, Escort Service, First Dates, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Holding Hands, Multi, Mutual Pining, Oysters, References to Hamlet, hand kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clubs14/pseuds/clubs14
Summary: "Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every person. One that we reveal to the world and another we keep hidden inside. A duality governed by the balance of light and darkness, within each of us is the capacity for both good and evil. But those who are able to blur the moral dividing line hold the true power.”-Hamlet to Ophelia
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Nanny Ashtoreth/Brother Francis (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Who we are and Who we pretend to be

**Author's Note:**

> _“She wore a knit tweed suit and discreet pearl earrings. Something about her might have said nanny, but it said it in an undertone of the sort employed by British butlers in a certain type of American film. It also coughed discreetly and muttered that she could well be the sort of nanny who advertises unspecified but strangely explicit services in certain magazines”_ (52 Good Omens)

What had started out as a simple way of tormenting more humans with minor annoyances had undoubtedly gone much farther. When Crowley first conceived of the idea to start posting ads in magazines and on websites it had been a way to get already lustful humans even more worked up and the best part had to be that the number listed led directly to Buckingham Palace. Of course the royal family were not impressed, especially when the number kept changing to reflect whatever they inadvertently changed it to. After only a couple of weeks the story had gone wild and was being covered by most news stations and unfortunately even the newspaper that Aziraphale usually read. He was of course the last to find out, a stunning feat since they were both currently staying at the Dowling residents. 

“What is the meaning of this Crowley?” He tossed the paper at her with a picture of her in what she had thought of as very fetching black stockings. 

“It’s Ashtoreth, and keep your voice down, I just got Warlock down for his nap.”

“Sorry, Ashtoreth. It’s just that I thought we agreed that we would both focus on making sure Warlock was as well balanced as possible. Do you know I heard most of the staff talking about the kinds of services they would pay you for, it’s indecent.” He wrung his hands looking for all the world like a sad puppy. 

“Oh angel, they were already talking like that long before I posted the ads, how do you think I got the idea in the first place.” She gestured at the chair across from her, if they were going to have this conversation then they may as well be comfortable, or at least as comfortable as a wooden chair would allow. 

“They shouldn’t speak that way about a lady, it’s rude.” Well she wasn’t going to argue with that. 

“Their humans what do you expect, they’ve always been rude.” This was starting to feel like the kind of conversation she needed a full bottle of wine to have. 

“I suppose. But your not really following through on anything in the add right, that is if they do manage to get a hold of you?” He fidgeted with the hem of his coat eyes firmly on the ground. Was he jealous or was she just hoping that he was jealous? He was probably just concerned with the morality of it all, he was an angel after all. 

“I’ve gone out a couple times, it’s quite nice to be paid to go to fancy restaurants and shows. If I’m inspiring them to lustful thoughts and leaving them decidedly unsatisfied then all the better.” Aziraphale finally looked up at her, expression a mix of horror and relief. 

“Oh, well that’s not so bad then. Though if you wanted to be treated to dinner and a show then I would be more then willing to take you out. It is very unfair of me to always let you treat me after all.” He smiled brightly at her from under his lashes and she has to physically restrain herself from reaching out and clasping his hands. Damn unnecessary heart beating frantically. 

“How about this Saturday?” 

“Oh that sounds lovely. You can stop by my cottage at six and we can make are way from there.” As he leaves the room, she can’t help but stare. Who would have thought posting fake ads for explicit services would get her a date with Aziraphale. If she had known it was that simple she would have done it years ago.

***

The week dragged as it always did when she was desperate for it to be over, Warlock at least was a distraction though he was becoming increasingly clingy. He had recently decided that she must be his real mother and had been very insistent on her reading the same ridiculous book all week. If there was one thing Crowley hated it was being forced to read the same thing over and over again. By early Saturday night she had decided that the little bird of the story no longer deserved a happy ending and promptly changed it.

“Are you my mother? Asked the bird before promptly being crushed by the giant snort.” 

“That’s not what happens, read it properly!” Warlock glared at her from under the covers. 

“What’s the point of hearing the same story over and over again if you already know how it ends?” 

“He finds his mother, that’s what’s supposed to happen.” He sat up crossing his arms and giving his best glare, Crowley was impressed by how red he was able to make his face look. 

“Well tonight he dies instead. That’s what happens when you ask the wrong questions. Now would you like to hear a different story?” 

“I hate you!” He yelled before turning away from her to face the dark wall, she had never felt so proud. Not only had she gotten away with not reading that awful story but he had also finally admitted to hating her, truly he was his father’s son. 

“I hate you too Warlock.” She grinned at him, before pulling out a different book from the shelf. “Now how about a different story?” 

After the second story he was in a deep enough sleep that she was able to quietly sneak out closing the door gently behind her. Hopefully he would stay asleep so she could get ready for her date. With only an hour she didn’t have that much time, and she was loath to admit that she had no idea what outfit to wear. What on earth were you supposed to wear when you finally get asked out by the angel that you’ve been in love with for 6,000 years? 

Of course it should be a black dress, maybe a little revealing, this whole thing started because of the escort ads after all. She turned to the mirror admiring the sheer black dress with a high collar that appeared on her. She made a couple adjustments so that the slit up the side came up a little higher on her right thigh. Add that to the higher than normal heel and her legs looked amazing, she would also get the added pleasure of towering over Aziraphale. 

With a couple finale miracles her hair was longer and sitting perfectly around her face, now all that was left was to head over to his cottage. 

Every step closer made her jittery with nerves making it so that by the time she reached his front door she had to take a couple steadying breaths before knocking.

“Come in the door is unlocked.” His cheerful voice sounded from the other-side of the door. With a finale deep breath she stepped inside his familiar cottage, everything looked as cluttered as it had last time with piles of books stacked on nearly every surface. Why he needed so many was beyond her. 

She tried to make herself comfortable on his old couch it of course was tartan and had seen better days though whether it had come with the place or he had brought it himself she didn’t know. 

Just when she was starting to lose all her patience he finally came out of the tiny bedroom. His outfit was exactly what she would have expected, all cream and white with a light blue collared shirt. The only difference from his normal wardrobe being the nicer suit jacket. Her disappointment at his wardrobe only lasted for a couple minutes before she noticed the way he was looking at her, so full of love and admiration that she was thankful for the dark glasses hiding her eyes and making it easier for her to look away without him realising. Her stomach was doing it’s best somersaults as he stepped towards her offering his hand to help her up off the couch. 

“You look radiant my dear.” He then brought her hand up to his lips kissing her knuckles and making her stupid heart beat so loud she was sure he could hear it. 

Instead of attempting any kind of coherent sentence she nodded stiffly as he let her hand go. It was taking way too much self control not say something completely ridiculous that would undoubtedly scare him off.

She wasn’t able to get her voice back until they were seated in the back of a cab on there way to God knows where. Probably some place with sushi. 

“So how is the gardening coming along? I see your still not listening to my advice on the roses.” Her voice came out more short then she intended but he didn’t seem to mind as he continued to smile at her. 

“Let’s not talk about work tonight Crowley.” He then had the audacity to pat her leg making her heart pick up once more. He would be the death of her, she was sure of it. 

“Fine.” She turned away eyes focusing on the road outside instead of his beautiful  
smile. 

When the cab finally stops at The Dorchester she cant help but turn accusing eyes at him. While it’s probably just dinner she can’t help but wonder if he has a room booked as well. She shoves the thought down as he offers her a hand out of the car. Why would an angel book a hotel room, especially her angel? He probably just heard about the three Michelin star restaurant and had to see for himself what all the fuss was about. 

The hotel looms over them as they get closer before opening up to reveal a massive lobby, the grandeur is enough to take her breath away despite how many luxury hotels she’s visited. Though this particular occasion it probably has more to do with the fact that Aziraphale planned this out especially for them to enjoy. 

When they finally reach the restaurant a hostess smiles at them taking the name for the reservation and leading them towards their table. Crowley briefly wonders if Aziraphale used multiple miracles on this night out or if he actually made the reservation the human way. Surely all the unnecessary miracles would annoy head-office. The thought of Gabriel finding out that a principality was using divine miracles to take a demon out on a lavish date was an amusing image. She was sure his face would turn all kinds of varying shades of red. 

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice that the hostess had led them to the table in the center of the restaurant completely surrounded by hanging crystals, or at least that’s what it looked like. She couldn’t help but side eye the angel as he stepped through the curtain currently being held open by the hostess. He really had gone all out, well that settled it this was definitely a miracle worthy of getting some stern words from Gabriel.

He pulled out her chair for her once she entered the weird hidden table, long crystal strands falling back into place behind her. Whoever thought this up had more than food on their mind.

As he began inspecting the menu she couldn’t help but squint at the rows upon rows of crystals trying to see anything beyond the white curtain. It ended up being pointless no one could see in or out. Even the voices of the other customers seemed distant, almost as if the two of them were in their own little world. 

“Did anything catch your eye Crowley dear?” Aziraphale still hadn’t looked up from his menu. “I was thinking we could start of with the chardonnay and some oysters, does that sound good?” He finally looked up at her patiently waiting for a response. She couldn’t help but curse him just a little bit at the suggestion of oysters. A private table was one thing but then to order something like oysters on top of that was a whole other level of tempting. How had he gotten better at it then her? 

“Sure, whatever you want angel.” She kept her tone brisk and businesslike no need to give anything away, it wasn’t like they could end the date the way she would like to anyway. 

If he was disappointed by her lack of enthusiasm he hid it well instead focusing back on the menu. 

The wine was brought over at the same time as a platter of oysters and Crowley had to fight the urge to reach out and grab the whole bottle, instead waiting patiently for the waiter to pour some in each of their glasses. She managed to wait for him to leave through the curtain before she took a long drink, nearly finishing the glass. Aziraphale sighed at her from across the table before sipping from his own glass. 

“Is everything all right? I thought you would enjoy this.” The note of disappointment behind his words made her feel sick. Here she was getting too wrapped up in her own ideas of how she wanted the night to end instead of just enjoying it with him. To make up for it she reached towards his hand clasping it in both of hers. 

“It’s very nice, it just caught me off guard. I can’t say any of my clients would ever dare bring me here.” Her attempt at humor clearly failed as he slipped his hand out. 

“Well I’m not one of your clients.” With that he cast his eyes back to the plate of oysters reaching for the closest one and tipping it back. She hated how the image sent a shiver down her spine, making her cross her legs under the table. 

“No, your much more than that.” 

He placed the shell down in the designated bowl before grabbing another one. Though instead of eating it himself he leaned towards her lifting it up to her lips. She couldn’t resist the look of delight in his eyes, leaning closer and parting her lips. He tipped the shell letting it slide into her mouth. Crowley eyed him from over her sunglasses as she swallowed watching as colour spread up his cheeks. He was quick to take another one focusing on the shell instead of her face after that. 

When the main course came she made herself comfortable watching him enjoy it, any appetite she had was gone. The wine was good though, she made sure to pour herself another glass.

Aziraphale was strangely quiet for the rest of the meal too focused on the flavours of every dish, either that or he was embarrassed by the oyster incident. Regardless she decided that it couldn’t hurt to slide her leg close enough to brush against his from under the tablecloth. That at least seemed to get his attention as he finally smiled at her. 

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” 

“I prefer watching you enjoy it.” His expression turned even more radiant “Does it live up to it’s Michelin star status?” 

“Yes, very much so.” 

After what was a very lavish tray of tiny desserts they made their way back through the insane curtain of crystals and back to the front of the hotel. Crowley tried to push away her disappointment at not having a room to stay in after dinner as Aziraphale called a cab. 

The cab ride was quiet with Crowley trying to slide her hand closer on the seat between them. She wasn’t sure what she was hoping to accomplish, maybe it was just to let him know she was more than okay with letting him hold her hand. He kept his eyes on the passing buildings but did reach out and take her hand. 

When they reached the Novello Theatre he finally turned to look at her clearly waiting for a reaction to the large bold text proudly announcing ‘Hamlet’. He really could be a right bastard when he wanted to be. 

“Really angel, Hamlet.” She huffed, though mostly for show. He laughed next to her leaning closer in the backseat. 

“Come now my dear, it will be fun.” With that he got out offering her his hand once more and then leading her into the theatre. 

They took their seats in one of the balconies and Crowley couldn’t resist leaning closer. 

“So how many miracles did you use on tonight?” 

“Oh, no need to worry I made sure to help humans with all the miracles performed."

"This isn't another one of those 'I'm giving the business money' loopholes is it?" 

He waved a hand at her looking offended. "Of course not I simply noticed that the man that normally reserves the Lumière table has been stealing money from clients so I made sure they got their money back. He couldn’t make his reservation due to court hearings so a spot opened up.” 

“Impressive, what about the theatre tickets?” 

“Crowley do you really want to spoil the date by discussing how I was able to make reservations?” 

She knew he was playing dirty when he used words like ‘date,’ and there was no way she was about to let him get away with it. 

“Yes.” When he looked affronted she leaned closer in her chair so that she was whispering in his ear. “But only because it reminds me just how clever you are.” 

“If you must know, I bought these tickets awhile ago, in the hopes you would go with me.” Well she hadn’t expected that. This whole thing must have been far more pre planned then she realized. 

Before she could say anything further the curtain was raised and all his attention was pulled towards the stage. She settled for slipping her hand in his. They were hidden by the balcony so it seemed safe enough. 

As the familiar tragedy played out she couldn’t resist the urge to watch his face more than the show itself. His expressions were always more captivating than anything on stage could ever hope to be. Eyes lighting up at the dramatic fights and then filling with tears at the death of Ophelia. She knew that part in particular always upset him the most. To die alone feeling unloved by the one person that was supposed to be there for you was devastating to him. Crowley of course knew that would never happen to her angel, she couldn’t imagine ever not loving him. It didn’t really matter what happened in the coming years with Warlock and the end of days, she would never let him die alone and full of sorrow. 

A tear made its way down his cheek as Ophelia drifted off forever lost, she couldn’t help reaching over and brushing it away with the side of her thumb. He gave her a watery smile before turning his attention back to the stage clearly lost in the story.

When the current closed he was the first to jump to his feet and applaud the actors. He had always been too supportive, even if the actors were terrible he would send words of encouragement. 

After the finale bows were done she was finally able to drag him from their private box and back into the crowd of people all fighting their way out of the theatre. She couldn’t help but notice a couple stares from some passersby that probably recognised her from her ads. No one dared approach her, though they did look at Aziraphale with a certain level of confusion. 

“Come on angel, let’s call a cab.” She wrapped her arm around him dragging him towards the door. 

“That really was incredible wasn’t it Crowley. It’s been far too long since we went to a proper show. The costumes were even more authentic than they normally are, and did you notice how well they choreographed the last battle. It truly was a masterful performance.” 

“Yes it was very good.” She said only half listening, instead her attention was mostly focused on the one man that had decided to approach them. He probably wanted to ask something about her spot on the news. Stupid ad. Why did all her best ideas have to come back to bite her in the ass. At least the M25 was a complete success.

Just as he was getting close she dashed away grabbing Aziraphale by the wrist and running for the door as fast as she could in stiletto heels. Once they were outside and the man was nowhere in site she let him go, pulling out her phone from her bag and dialling the number for a cab. 

“I’m sorry dear, I thought the private balcony would be enough.” She eyed him phone still pressed to her ear. He had that stupid look of love on his face that always made her want to push him up against a wall. 

The cab ride back to the Dowling's estate was quiet as they both sat further apart peering out of their respective windows. She couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking about. Maybe he was regretting this whole night out? There was after all, always the chance that Gabriel would find out and send a very strongly worded letter. As much as she liked to think about them as being on their own side she knew that he probably didn’t share her opinion. Heaven still had its talons in him. 

By the time they got back the silence had dragged out long past being comfortable. He still opened the door for her and helped her out, before paying the cab driver. 

“Well off to bed then.” She tried to make her tone as light as possible as she stepped back towards the imposing house of the Dowling's. 

“Wait. It wouldn’t be proper if I didn’t escort you back to your room.” She wanted to point out that she was in fact an ancient demon and more than capable of walking back to her room by herself, but the words died on her tongue. If he wanted to pretend a little bit longer that this was a proper date then she would let him. 

The house was dark when they entered and they did their best to be as quiet as possible on the creaky stairs. She tried to ignore him until they reached the door to her room.

“Thanks angel, it was fun.” She smiled before turning away and opening the door. No use dwelling on things that would never happen, she was happy enough with the date as it was. 

“Your welcome my dear girl.” He returned her smile reaching out and clasping her hand before bringing it to his lips and kissing her knuckles. It was the second time and it still caught her off guard. It wasn’t until he was stepping away that she let out a breath realising that she could maybe push for just a little bit more. 

“Don’t you want to give me a goodnight kiss?” The words were out before she could stop herself. The look on his face when he turned around was enough for her to wish desperately to stop time and take it back.

“I don’t think my side would like that.” Her stomach dropped as she turned away making her way to the safety of her room. 

“Crowley, I’m sorry.” He whispered before she was able to slam the door in his face.

***

“Mommy.” She found herself being shaken awake by two tiny hands as Warlocks face swam into view. “Mommy wake up.” His eyes were bright and full of tears, probably another nightmare.

“Warlock what did I say about waking me up in the middle of the night?” She let the ‘mommy’ part slide for now too emotionally exhausted by the rest of the night. 

“But I had a real bad dream. There was a giant monster and he wanted to eat me whole.” His voice trembled, little hands reaching out for hers. 

“All right, but just this once. This is not becoming a part of the routine.” She moved closer to the wall leaving space for him to climb in next to her. Subconsciously she knew that the only reason she had agreed to letting him sleep with her was because she was just as desperate for the comfort as he was. She truly was a mess, this was no way to show demonic influence, she was making him soft. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to care when he snuggled in close to her. 

“Are you okay?” The question was muffled by her dressing gown but she still heard him. 

“I’m fine, now get some sleep.” Her tone was sharp but he snuggled closer anyway. 

“I’m sure he likes you too, mommy.” Before she could ask what the Heaven he meant by that he was dead asleep next to her. In the end she gave in wrapping her arms around him and let herself drift off into a dreamless sleep.

***

The next couple days she did her best to avoid Aziraphale. He at least seemed to pick up on her need for space and never tried to approach her. The ads were promptly taken down as well. Now that she had made the papers it seemed like as good a time as any to end it. Not like she was looking for anymore lavish dates.

It wasn't until the following Saturday, a whole week since their date, that he dared approach her. Somehow the ugly disguise of brother Francis made it easier for her to glare at him from over her dark glasses. He ignored her foreboding look and came closer anyway.

"I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time." He wrung his hands watching Warlock running around the yard over her shoulder. "Remember what I said about playing in the flower beds." Warlock ignored him running straight for them. The sight made her grin, Warlock really was a little devil, her influence no doubt. 

"What is it brother Francis?" If they were going to do this then she planned on being as distant as possible, no need to show him just how upset she still was over the whole date fiasco. 

"I just wanted to apologise again for how everything ended, if things were different… well you know, if we were humans, I would…"

"Forget it" she cut him off. While the rambling and hand twisting was easing her anger it was also not helping. Seeing him suffer for too long always ended up making her want to comfort him that much more. "You should be worried about making sure Warlock turns out more angelic, because right now my influence is definitely the one taking hold. Just last week he told me that he hated me." 

Aziraphale looked happy with the change in conversation, there was something so familiar about discussing work. Much preferred to any pesky feelings that they may or may not have for each other.

"Well that's no good, your absolutely right my dear. I will have to work harder on being a good influence in young Warlocks life." With that he made his way to the now mostly destroyed flower bed. Crowley would never admit to him the swell of pride she felt at seeing Warlock throwing a tantrum as he tried to pull him away. She might not be able to do anything about her ridiculous feelings for an angel right now, but that didn't deter the quiet voice in her head from saying 'maybe one day.' She could wait forever if she had too.


End file.
